I’m on a vision quest these days. In between potty seats and the 3am feedings. In between the markets and the playdates and the emails about Italian preschools and the need to get dinner on the table and the need to pour a glass of wine after the kids finally go to bed. In between failed 5am attempts to exercise and failed 10pm attempts at Italian lessons. In between giving in to chocolate-for-breakfast requests and saying no to watching TV. In between telling my husband to get out of my shower and wanting to do nothing more badly than run away together for 24 hours. In between trying and failing and sometimes succeeding at being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good person, I wonder why fate dealt me this weird, wonderful life of ours and what I’m exactly supposed to be doing with the gift.
How very millennial of me it must seem to assume a higher calling beyond motherhood, housekeeping and helping to pay the bills. But I live in a country where I am surrounded by women raising children, keeping house and making money with far, far fewer resources and far, far greater hardships than I have ever born. If they can do it all so capably with so much less, surely I should be making use of my privilege to do so much more.
A thousand times since the day he asked me to marry him, Chris has asked me whether I ever regret my decision. I tell him and myself that I don’t.
I chose love and adventure over everything I had thought I wanted up until the point right before Chris asked me to marry him. Two roads diverged and all of that.
And someday it will all make sense. I don’t think it will be photography or cooking and maybe not even writing that will fill my days with purpose and clarity the way motherhood and moving preparations fill my days now. But as we count our days left here in India and look forward to a new adventure and new possibilities in Italy, I find myself impatient once again to know for what purpose could all of these wonderful adventures be for.
Our friends and family in America celebrated the arrival of the spring equinox last week, but here in Delhi we are slowly resigning ourselves to the beginning of our hot dry summer season. In Delhi they say that the heat arrives with Holi and so it has. Continue Reading
Motherhood has taught me…
the value of waking up at 5:00am and defining a 20 minute sprint on the treadmill as “me time.”
And that it’s better to err on the side of being washed and dressed by 6:00am so that no matter what comes next, at least one of us is ready to be out the door in time for preschool.
That classical music playing softly in the background does amazing things for the mood in our living room and that getting outside at 4pm is usually the only way to beat the witching hour. Continue Reading
I don’t feel like the dust has settled enough around here for me to make any grand, sweeping proclamations about life with two kids but I think I like it. There are moments of crazy, there have been days I wonder how I will get dinner on the table or whether Shiloh will sleep long enough for me to play with Will for more than 10 minutes at a time. There was the time Chris had to work until 9pm before Shiloh was 3 weeks old while I had two sick kids at home. Continue Reading
I’m still wrapping my head around this two-kid thing, still waiting for that bit of sleep-deprivation induced bit of inspiration on the topic to share in this space. In many ways, being a mother of two feels far less life-changing than becoming a mother the first time did. Continue Reading
“Ma’am, you must order breakfast…”
I looked up mid-contraction into the earnest face of an attendant in blue scrubs thrusting a pink order form at me for a third time. Continue Reading
A week ago, I was convinced that I would be ending our 2013 recap with a new baby announcement. Spoiler alert! Baby #2 has yet to make an appearance. Continue Reading
Nothing says Christmas Eve like deep-frying shrimp chips, chapattis sharing the table with a DIY Vietnamese spring roll spread and Korean bulgogi, and my husband and his boss ducking out after dinner for a 9pm Christmas Eve conference call.
The funny thing about having a baby due right after New Year’s is that the closer we get to our official due date, the less and less time I’ve actually had to prepare logistically or mentally for his/her arrival. Continue Reading
If I had planned Will’s gingerbread house party more than 24 hours in advance, I would have been sorely tempted to spend hours crafting homemade gingerbread building materials, 5 colors of royal icing and a buffet spread for the adults.
But… Continue ReadingOlder Posts >>>